In life, there will be very few things that make a greater impact on this world than the role you play as a parent. Every move that you make as a parent is being recorded in the heart of your children. They will remember things that you have said for a lifetime, good or bad. Your habits may become their habits, your rules may carry over to being rules they create in their household. It may sound overwhelming, but it is very important that we look at it this way in order to make better choices on things you do and say. Your life is their model of how to succeed or fail, your love towards them shapes how they will love others. They look at your life, examine it, and sometimes relive your bad choices and mistakes. I remember when i was married, my ex husband was abusive and unfaithful. I wanted nothing more than for my marriage to work, not realizing that my efforts to make it work was based on the fact that my parent’s failed marriage was what I wanted to model and mend. I stuck in it, through the abuse: mental, physical, financial, emotional. I felt somehow that if I had put every effort into being that perfect loving wife, that he would somehow see my love and match my effort. We would fight often, I would be so devastated that I would call my mother and she would come running to my rescue. One particular time, he had hit me and i didn’t want to call the police and get him arrested. My mom came and urged me to do something, either call the cops, leave the marriage, or do something other than allowing this abuse to continue. However, by the time she had gotten there, I ended up forgiving the matter and not wanting to do anything about the tragedy that was constantly plaguing my life called my marriage. I got angry with my mother when she insisted that I was being foolish in not taking actions against my abusive mate. I told her “You let daddy beat on you and didn’t do anything about it.” Hindsight is 20/20 and it was a very foolish and childish reply. My mom had told me that she would never come to my rescue again and left. Of course, she still was there for me anytime I needed her. However, my outburst revealed that knowing that my father hit my mother had somehow warped my reality. Somehow my mom’s actions of not removing herself from the situation had taught me (nonverbally) that you are supposed to stick it out with your mate even if they abused you. My mom didn’t ever say these words to me, but her actions were somehow more powerful. The lessons our children learn are spoken not just through words, but actions we make. My mother would have most definitely told me that it would be foolish to stay with an abusive man, I mean, she did tell me that. The fact that she had done the opposite was more apparent to me. It takes a child a while to learn how to measure the actions of their parents as fallible. All of us are imperfect human beings trying our hardest to raise kids in a crazy world full of many obstacles and distractions that can pull us away from being the best parent we can be. It’s just so very important for us to fight that much harder to overcome these obstacles and become role models for great choices, good behaviors, and influential individuals. We can do this one beautiful step at a time through consistency, much prayer, and attention to our actions and how they are portrayed to our children. Begin today by looking into your childhood and asking yourself “what are the things my parents did that affected my life?” Look at those areas and look at how they may be affecting your children.
I look forward to hearing the amazing stories that are created when you choose to shape your child’s world through better choices, modeling, and actions. Please feel free to comment below with your own stories. Thank you so much for reading. I will continue this subject and come up with creative ways to better our parenting. One beautiful step at a time, we will better every aspect of our parenting!!!