When I awoke, I had a flu. I guess the crying and crying and crying even more left me so sick that I had to go to the doctor for antibiotics. I had never felt so bad in my life. I wanted to just check out of life. Not commit suicide, but just to take a time out and not be a part of the world for a while. I couldn’t believe that he had went as far as to create a child. Now mind you, I had dealt with the cheating, not coming home, and even fighting girls in the street for him. However, this was something that I had dreaded as a possibility. Funny story is prior to finding this out, prior to the entire breakup, I had a dream that he and I were in the field that we had met in as kids. He was sitting there and talking to me, then this girl came with a key. She told him, “I have your key.” He placed his head in his hands and started looking stressed. I got so angry and frustrated at this and begin to yell and get upset. The scene in my vision switched, and there i was holding him in my arms as we sat on the side of the road. I heard my own voice on a voice over saying, “I’m going to forgive him, because I always do.” Inside of that dream, I felt immense sadness and grief. When I had awaken from this dream months before, I told him that i knew that he was cheating on me. He nudged it off as always. I believe that the key represented the child. I must admit, God can show me things and I would brush them off as coincidence until they were staring me in my face. I just didn’t understand how I could end up in this situation. I remember crying out to God saying “All I wanted was a family.” I cried more than I ever had in my life. Eventually my mom and sister came over and helped me clean my house. I had not even got out of bed. I was embarrassed and ashamed because my husband had went and created a life with someone else. I felt incompetent as a woman. I was unable to conceive, to do what is natural for any woman. People begin to say that he did it because I couldn’t have kids…maybe he did. However, it didn’t make it hurt any less. It actually magnified my pain. I didn’t want to talk about it, I felt a level of betrayal that I had never felt before. In this time, I had been distant from everyone, of course him. One day, he texted me and told me I needed to wash my dishes. Puzzled, I sent him question marks. He told me that he had been to my house several times while I was sleeping and noticed I had dirty dishes in the sink. I knew then that I would need to do something about that. I knew that he was only coming while I was sleep to assure himself that no one else was there, as if I had ever cheated on him, or better yet, if it mattered now that he had a child on the way. I went to Wal-mart and changed my locks. This was stressful, as I didn’t know how to do it, but I knew I should because he had no business there. This angered him, and he voiced this to me. For some reason, I couldn’t let go of conversations, and he began to pay my phone bill and come to take me on dates. I felt okay with it, because he was my husband. He would call me, we would go out to eat and then act like regular married couples for a few days before I would drop him back to his family’s house. Eventually the Holy Spirit convicted me, asking me a question I had no answer to: “What are you going to do when that baby is born?” I didn’t even want to explore that but it was like an dark shadow over my head. I knew that I could not look that baby in his/her face, knowing that they were conceived during my marriage. This didn’t deter even people who were in the church from telling me that maybe this was God’s way of blessing me with a child. I didn’t believe that for a second. I knew the God I serve would not send a child conceived in sin and deceit. We kept talking and dating, until one day I called him about a bill being paid. We talked and laughed until I heard a female in the background. “I know that’s your little GIRLFRIEND!!!” I was bewildered. In that sentence, reality hit me. This man had not even told this woman he was MARRIED! I wasn’t his GIRLFRIEND, I WAS HIS WIFE, BEING TREATED LIKE THE OTHER WOMAN! I knew then this had to be stopped. I hung up the phone.