I realized in reading the last few verses, there are more than several incidences I have left out, maybe I am not ready to face them. I’m thinking about bearing the good, bad and ugly in a book one day…

The troubling feeling I had once I was alone is hard to explain. Let me just say this, in 11 years since I had started dating my ex husband, I had never been away from him longer than a few days. Now I was faced with so much at once. My mom was in a coma, my then husband was in jail (facing prison time) and I was alone. I had felt so devastated when I realized the severity of what both my mom and my husband were facing that I went to church in desperation. I wanted God to give me assurance on my mom’s situation, more than anything. This was mainly because I knew that she had the most severe circumstance. They were saying that she may never walk again, she could be vegetable, they didn’t know. My then Pastor was a man who had a great church, he seemed to really know God but he had trouble in really being able to be there for his members when they needed him the most. I remember going to the altar and crying out, hoping that he would be able to tell me what God said. Instead, he just prayed for me and moved on. My spirit was so troubled, I was so discouraged. When I finally able to pull myself off the floor, a young lady came up to me. She told me very intently that God had heard my petition and that she knew that I was yearning for more from God then just a touch. I agreed and I told her about the situation with my mother. She listened and I told her everything. Down to the fact that I wanted to buy anointing oil for her so that I could get the Pastor to bless it. She told me that the same God that would bless the oil if my then Pastor would do it would be the same God that would bless it if I prayed over it. This really encouraged me. She then went on to say that God had laid it on her heart to come to the hospital. I was so happy. Upon getting to the hospital, my mother was still in a coma, and everyone (my sister and brother and his wife) were gathered around her. As the young lady prayed, my mother stirred a little. She revealed to me that my mother was scared and she needed to have one of us staying with her at all times when she would awake because she was so frightened and a familiar face would help her. We all agreed. This gave me so much hope. I stayed the first night with her. There were machines everywhere (she was on a breathing machine). The people insisted that I take a break and go home and it would be okay, but I refused. I had eventually gotten the oil and laid hands of faith over my mother. I prayed and asked God to heal her, bring her back to us. Because of the brokenness I grew up in, I never had been really close to my mother. She seemed to be so distant and I didn’t want to lose this strong woman who had raised me, and I felt I never knew. Weeks went by and my family went on with their lives, calling to check on my mother but not staying over night as we had previously planned. I alone stayed with her, taking a leave of absence from the job we both worked at so that I could take care of her. My mother was so young to be going through what she was going through. She was only 47. To top it off, I had talked to my spiritual father about the situation my husband had found himself in. He warned me not to allow this same thing to happen again, as I had monies to bail him out with. He told me no, let the court process go through because he would end up back there. I didn’t listen. I took the funds and bailed him out. A couple days later, he was pulled over by the same cops and arrested again. This time it was no bond and I again was alone. It seemed every odd was stacked against me.