I thank God for the opportunity to share with you all my own personal story and journey into God’s purpose for my life. Growing up in the church, and even into my adult life, I would see these people who were connected to God in such an awesome way. It would move me to see how wonderful God was orchestrating their lives and I would be desperate to hear their how. Somehow it is true that common practice in the church to lead the people and not allow them to know how you got to the point where you are able to minister. I believe it is some unspoken code that says, lead without allowing people to see your scars and shortcomings. I am so very different. I love to show my scars. I believe it is because Jesus showed His. When Thomas the doubter (we call him) asked to see Christ’s scars, He readily showed them to him. The war wounds are what reveal the power of God in our lives. These wounds are evidence of God’s power and His anointing in our lives. When I was a little girl, we grew up very poor. My father was a drug addict who often beat on my mom. Sometimes he would sell our clothes to get drugs and as a result we went to school dirty and sometimes stink because we had no running water or electricity at times. I grew up very shy and with very low self esteem. Often, people would ridicule myself and my brothers. They fought a lot to defend themselves from the people who didn’t know or care what made us “the dirty kids”. Even some of my closest childhood friends would pick on me, talking about everything from my hair to my clothes and my general appearance. I was an outcast in every way. Even when I confided in some of my friends, they would still be the first to laugh at the jokes of people who used us as their own roast party. I never could fully understand why they were so mean and so hateful to me. I remember days when I would try to do whatever it took to just go ONE DAY without people picking and making jokes about me. In kindergarten, it would be like 90 degrees and I would put this long hooded jacket over my head and walk home “hidden” from the sneers and laughter of those around me. As I grew older, it went from jackets to just holding my head down. If I didn’t see the laughter or the stares or the pointing, I felt better. It still brings tears to my eyes when I think of how many days I spent crying, and hoping for someone to find some value in me.
I believe that God used my pain and my fears to help develop humility. I know where I come from. I can see how far the love of God has propelled me into my destiny. Because of my pain as a child, I am able to look at every child and remind him/her the value that they have deep inside of them. God is amazing. I thank Him for every tear I’ve cried, every rejection, every failed attempt the enemy made to destroy the precious gift of salvation He has given me. God gets all of the glory.
Please stayed tuned for verse 2 of this revelation of my life.