The most challenging thing about walking away is that you constantly consider the fact that you may regret the action one day. A familiar saying that comes to mind is “You know what you have, you don’t know what you’re getting. Couple that with the fact that many people have never experienced being alone and you have a recipe for people who never make the choice to actually walk away. Society has made it appear that people should have multiple close friends and a relationship with someone or a person is somehow deemed as incomplete. I know women who are always in a relationship. This is because they feel as if they are alone, they are unsuccessful in life. They will go on being miserable the entire time that they are single, being very quick to take whichever guy approaches them as a possible mate. This cycle continues because the person hasn’t begin to learn to love themselves. When you love yourself, you are okay with the idea of being alone. You are your best friend. There is no room for anyone in your life that is going to cause you all types of headaches and pain. You deserve more. Sadly, many are unable to accept that truth and use it to propel themselves into the destiny that God has designed for them. Are you afraid of being alone? Here are some signs that you may be:
1.) You are constantly looking back into the lives of former significant others (i.e. staying connected on social media, calling, texting long after relationship is over).
2.) You find yourself comparing yourself to others based on looks, money, social media or relationships.
3.) You are willing to put up with anything in a relationship (just as long as you are in it)
4.) You judge other’s success based on their relationship status, looks and materialistic items.
5.) You feel as if a failed relationship deems you as a failure.
Being honest with yourself is something that is a must. This is a necessary first step to healing. I was just telling a friend the other day that there are 2 places where you should be able to find peace. That is in your home and in your grave. The grave is a given. There will be no one there backbiting, gossipping or cheating done on you once you have closed your eyes on this side. However, when you are at home, peace should meet you there. Everyday when you are at home should be filled with the peace of no fighting, arguing or being drained by others. Sadly, some never experience this peace. They end up stuck in a relationship or friendship that dictates how they spend their time and energy.When I was in school, I learned about how to treat patients who had an addiction of some sort. We had this chart that had each hour of each day of the week. Using this method, we were taught to have the patient to fill out the chart or to give us the information so that we could fill out the chart using different colors for each activity they spent doing during the week. For instance, in each box representing hours of the day, activities had different colors to display how the patient spent his or her time. For example, sleep would be blue, watching tv would be shaded in red, reading would be yellow, and time spent drug seeking or actually doing the drug would be black. At the end of filling up the spaces, the therapist could identify how much time the patient spent doing different activities. Of course,this gave the potential patient insight into how much drugs were monopolizing their time. I used to be this way. No, I didn’t have a drug habit. However, I had a relationship with men who cheated and my time was monopolized with checking phones and social media sites. I had friends that made bad choices and my time was monopolized with giving advice that they would never take and listening to hours of endless complaining about how bad their life is. Either way, it was a way that others had taken away my time doing what made them happy. And for what? At the end of the day, they are no longer in my life and I can’t get the time back. Maybe you have friends or significant others that are causing you to take up your time doing pointless things. I remember long ago when I was married, going as far to spend time in cars that were unrecognizable to my ex so that I could hopefully ride up on him doing something that he had no business doing. Sometimes I did catch him. Then I would spend time arguing, fussing, fighting. After the fight I spent endless time trying to find out what I was going to do about the cheating. The pattern was painful and detrimental to my life. I thank God that I learned the power of walking away. It forced me to find new ways for me to spend my time. I learned a lot about myself and taught myself how to cope with the pain of losing something that meant so much to me. I learned to evaluate where things went wrong, and I was able to make new choices that benefited me and those around me. I knew that the breakup will serve much purpose in my life, so much purpose that went beyond the pain that I felt. I also learned that it placed a new value in my presence. Because I was not allowing people into my life who brought pain and problems, they learned to value me. They knew that there was a possibility that they could lose me if they were unable to live up to my standards. I was not hesitant to walk away, it made people realize that the standards I set were as good as law. Beloved, if you set the standard then lower it each time a person goes against it, you are lowering your value. It would be equivalent to going to a Rolls Royce dealership and trying to put down the same amount you would for a used Honda. Surely, the dealership would not give you the car. They know the worth of the car. If you truly wanted the car, you would have no problem coming up with the funds needed to put a down payment on it so that you can obtain your dream car. However, if you let the car go for the lower price, you will experience loss that is unnecessary. Find your worth, walk away from those draining relationships and friendships that cause you so much pain. You will thank yourself later Be encouraged.